Good listeners are better communicators
Published on 09/11/1995 under Potpourri
One way to become a better communicator is to become a better listener. It seems obvious, but listening is a skill for which we receive very little training.
When was the last time anyone you know was allowed to attend a seminar on listening skill development? When was the last time you talked about the importance of listening in a staff meeting or informal coaching session? We've all been accused of not listening or paying attention, but when was the last time you were offered help in dealing with this problem?
Even if you are personally concerned about your listening skills, it's not that easy to do anything about it. If you seek help at your nearest public library, you'll find very few books on the subject.
This is somewhat surprising, given that we spend almost as much time listening as we do all the other skills combined (speaking, reading and writing). If anything, we should spend at least as much time worrying about listening as we do about talking or writing.
But unfortunately, this just isn't the case.
Poor listening costs us dearly in terms of inefficiency. Projects are done over. Opportunities are missed. Results are disappointing because messages are misdirected or poorly focused.
Poor listening also hampers our relationships with customers and co-workers. Think how much better people would interact with you if they felt you truly understood their problems and concerns. Or at least that you wanted to understand their problems.
There's a lot of evidence to support the contention that listening is a vitally important communications skill. And yet it's well documented that we listen at a 25% rate of efficiency. Or less.
The average person cannot recall half of a ten minute oral message immediately after hearing it. Within 48 hours, he is doing good to recall only 25% of the message.
In his classic book, Are You Listening?, Ralph Nichols, widely regarded as the "Father of Listening," describes a study he conducted among students of various ages on their ability to recall information they had just heard.
Ninety percent of the first grade students he queried were able to correctly feed back the information. Over eighty percent of second grade students were effectively listening.
However, in the junior high grades, only 44% responded correctly, and among high school students, the effective listening rate fell to a low of 28%.
Thankfully, he didn't study corporate executives, because I'm sure we would fall off the chart.
This is even more perplexing because the human brain can receive and comprehend words at speeds 3-5 times the rate that most people speak (125 words per minute average speaking times versus comprehension rates of 400-600 words per minute).
If we can hear words faster than people speak, what's the BIG PROBLEM?
There are probably many factors that contribute to listening breakdowns, but I'd like to emphasize two key ones:
First, the natural human tendency is to prefer talking over listening. Talking is seen in the business world as an active process, listening as passive. Former U.S. Senator S.I. Hayakawa once said, "We tend to find other people's speeches a tedious interruption to the flow of our own ideas."
So it's not surprising that we neglect our listening skills. Who wants to listen when we can talk?
Second, because the mind can receive information faster than the mouth can talk, we become bored. Our brain invents things to keep itself occupied. Things that result in bad listening habits.
Here are five tips on how to become a better, more effective listener:
1. Listen for concepts and key ideas. Don't let details get in the way of grasping the central point or points the speaker is trying to make. Start with the "big picture" and mentally attach secondary or tertiary information to it.
2. Anticipate. Try to think ahead to figure out where the speaker is going with a line of reasoning. This is not the same as assuming you know what he or she is going to say. That can cause you to quit listening. Instead, use your extra mental capacity to tryto "outguess" the speaker -- like you would if you were reading an exciting murder mystery or spy novel.
3. Review. Go back occasionally and review the key points. Do they make sense? Are the concepts supported by facts? Are all the pieces falling in place? If not, note some possible questions to ask later.
4. Look for unspoken messages. Often the tone of voice or expression of the speaker will reveal more than the words themselves.
5. Provide feedback. Let the speaker know you're with him. Maintain eye contact. Provide the appropriate facial expressions. Clarify information that is unclear. Paraphrase or summarize when the speaker reaches a stopping point.
There's a well-known quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes that says, "It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."
Nobody has the corner on wisdom, or so it would seem. Practicing these five skills will help you become a better listener. And that will make you a better communicator, too.
Not to mention a more popular one.